Trapido: The Government on driving

Mrs Traps, to anyone who knows me, is called "the government" and not without good reason. You mess with the missus - who is as good as a mile - at your peril ; Woe betide anyone within the family who dares to question her authority - no quiet diplomacy there!

Anyhow - a couple of months back it was Mrs Trap's birthday and with her incredible ability to drive a motor car I went out and bought her a book : "Welcome to the wonderful world of second gear!" ; Not that I'm suggesting that she only uses first gear - she often puts the car into reverse - it's just that I figured that if I introduced her to another gear....

Mind you she learned how to drive from her mother - The Eddie the Eagle of the Misscar circuit (like Nascar but a far more religious experience for the passengers). Who will ever forget the day that mom-in-law, waved the government goodbye, put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway? A superb manouvere and but for the fact that our gates were still closed at the time when she plowed into them......

I really shouldn't complain - no genuine I really shouldn't because if the government ever gets to read this I'll be neutered and then put down by our vet.

I have to tell you that there is nothing finer than flying down a hill in first gear - the engine screaming - the family screaming even louder ...trying to be heard above the noise - the government moaning about being given a car that can't top 90km/h even on a steep downhill!

The woman's a legend!

All of this however pales in comparisson with her parking. You've heard of drinking your date lekker - now meet paraletic parking ; the gentle art of drinking a parking lekker. It doesn't matter if the government is driving an Uno and the parking is the size of Loftus Versfeld there is no way that she is going to be able to get in there. Unless her blood-alcohol level is around .12 that space appears to be miniscule, hardly worth bothering about. We need a parking that you can drive into bonnet-first.

So we circle the block - in first - trying to find a shpot where we can park the car - screaming at each other above the engine - the kids davining in the back - until eventually we see one on the other side of the road. The government, regardless of any cars, swings out accross the road and nails it.

Then she turns off the car - which takes about 10 minutes to get over the shock ; all you hear is the fan and other unexplained noises - flames creeping out from under the bonnet. Time for the government to let us have it :

"There was that so hard?! You know what really makes me cross?! You carrying on like a backseat driver. Do I ever complain when you are driving?!"

The kids and I are saying Mourners Kaddish for the car.

We'll be sitting shiva this week - next week there are prayers at our house - she's getting a new car!

The prayers are for you.


By Michael Trapido, Thought Leader blogger.