In order to assist you in understanding the new early warning systems introduced by the President we repeat them here :
"Level 1 - (moderate danger) - Notice in Government Gazzette
Level 2 - (increased level) - Notice in a newspaper in each province.
Level 3 - (serious danger) - Above plus radio broadcasts
Level 4 - (immininent threat) - Above plus television broadcast
Level 5 - (red alert nuclear bomb fired at South Africa) - President
retrieves the red phone from his drawer and telephones
the government (Mrs Traps) and tells her that it's a
massive secret and for fuck's sake please not to tell
The whole country will know within the hour. Mind you even your relatives in Barvados will know about it in an hour.